Recently I met a man. Intelligent, sweet, funny and engaging. He shared with me his deepest secrets about loving to feed women. This is a turn on for him.
Needless to say at first I was a bit in shock because I had never met a man who was turned on by that sort of thing. Having been into BDSM for 24 years of my life one would think I would have come across this by now. But it is all new to me.
His secret gave way to me opening up and telling him some of my fantasies. Since I could drive I wanted to go to every drive through fast food place and get all my favorite foods all at once and see if I could eat everything. Despite the stomach ache I know I would have after as well as the intimate acquaintance with my porcelain god, this fantasy feels as if it would be gluttonous heaven. I know it sounds horribly wrong and sick to most people but I love food. Just once I would love to gorge myself on every very bad food all at once.
I told him this and rather then being disgusted he wanted to be part of my fantasy. This made me feel bonded to him in a way that I have never felt with any other man before. I had rarely shared even part of my dirty little fantasy with any one and have spent a long time being scared of indulging in it. I fear the looks of the people at the drive through when they see all of the bags in my car. Or the looks of my neighbors as I would bring it into my home. If I were thin people would assume I was having some sort of party but being fat people make other ugly assumptions when they see lots of food in your hands.
For me over eating has happened when I was sad or angry. It has been a shame filled dirty secret I have lived with for years. I used to joke with people that I was bulimic but also a procrastinator so I would binge and be to lazy to throw up. It was more then a joke. It was me finding humor in a painful truth.
I am not quite sure that two wrongs ever make a right, especially in this case. Both his desires and mine are completely unhealthy. But like a match to gasoline it ignited our friendship. More importantly it gave me a sense of comfort to know that I wasn't alone in this world.
I get his desire to feed women. I take great pride in cooking and feeding people. I love it in fact. So I understand his prospective well. I get the association of food and sensuality. How it is a turn on to be in control of feeding some one and to give them pleasure. Any one who has seen 9 1/2 Weeks has seen the food scene which is fun and sexy and extremely sensual. There is no denying that.
9 1/2 Weeks: Food Scene
But this is more then that. I had never met any one who just accepted me for me as completely as he does. This was one of the worst traits I felt I had. My inability to control my eating habits and thus my weight loss or gain has plagued me my entire life. With out batting an eye lash he just accepted that part of me as well as many other aspects of who I am. Most men struggle with accepting me or parts of my life. I find that so impressive about him.
Over eating always held a sense of pain with it because of my reasons for doing it. He has given me a much different prospective on it. He has brought light to a dark area of my life. He gives me this sense of peace in respects to who I am as a person in a way I have not ever felt yet. I love it. There is a part of me that is tremendously grateful for this sense of acceptance.
Not sure how I feel about indulging in our shared passion often, unless it is healthy items like salad or fruits and veggies. But at least it has healed some old wounds for me. It has given me a sense of closure that I needed. The ability to feel ok in not being in control all the time in respects to my eating.
He is fast becoming one of the most important people in my life. For the simple reason that he just accepts me for me.
I can not ask for anything more nor would I want to. I feel lucky enough just to have found him. It's been a long time since I had some one other then a family member that I could truly call one of my best friends.
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