A Rose Among Thorns

When I was 16 years old I played Mother Abyss in our Church's production in the Sound of Music. One of my lines in the play was, "My dear when God shuts a door he always opens a window."

That saying has stuck with me through out my life and pulled me through some very rough situations. Recently I was involved in a relationship and had hoped it would be more then a passing fling. Unfortunately he really wasn't ready for a real commitment and even if he had been I doubt we would have had longevity due to some of our personality issues.

I began to allow myself to really feel as if I was not going to ever find an earnest man who would be a good match for me. I have often felt that in life. Almost as if I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Aside from that this world is filled with people more concerned with social precepts and images then they are with the grounded important factors. Finding a man who is a good fit for me as a partner who is also the type of person I would want to commit myself to is not an easy combination to find.

I often feel that too many people are jaded, they are shallow and uncaring, selfish and unwilling to look beyond their own wants and needs. As much as I love human kind we are filled with flaws and growth possibilities that often go unrealized and I include myself in that statement.

Meeting some one who has walked through the proverbial fire, some one who has learned from it and who has not shut them self off from their feelings and emotions is almost impossible to find. Well to be quite honest I just didn't think that type of person even existed any more.

When I reflect upon the fires I have seen in my own travels I recount that I have been lied to, treated callously, defamed, threatened and treated in countless other inhuman ways. We all have to some extent. Being who I am seems to attract that type of behavior because like the brave fool I continue to put my heart on my sleeve and give people a chance regardless of whether my better judgment tells me I should not. I try to remain to unguarded and open myself up to the people God places in my life. At times this has led me down some very hard roads that are much less traveled by most I assume. At times, times like now when I get to witness and be part of some of God's most amazing handy work it restores my faith and mends the damage that has been done prior.

A very long time ago I learned from life that the out side of a person is never ever an indicator as to what lies beneath the surface. In my own life I have been tried, judged and convicted and never in a court of law. These sentences passed on to me sometimes unknowingly by my peers, my family and by most of society.

As many may try to tear me down for living my life and making my own decisions, there are, on occasion people who don't act and react as most would. These people are truly rare in nature and content. Almost like finding a four leaf clover among the grass this rare breed of person must be coveted above all others.

In our daily comings and going we meet so many people. Often not even beginning to skim the surface of getting acquainted with most of them. More focused on our tasks at hand then truly being thankful for the real beauty God shows us each and every day. How often I wonder that the unique gift of each person we are given is squandered and lost either through lack of forethought or because of fear. How many opportunities we miss because of carelessness.

I chuckle a bit to myself because the popular phrase of stopping to smell the roses now takes on a whole new meaning. I will write again soon if for no other reason then I have found a rose among the thorns.

Daring Men To Excel

About a year ago I found myself in the middle of a laughable situation. In certain arena's of my life I am surrounded by men. Quite often a group of male friends have all made moves toward getting to know me. I am fun, flirty and out going so it happens quite often.

One was at least honest and told me he was attached but wanted to meet me in NYC for tea. While I always want to be hopeful that men want to befriend me, his reaction to me making a comment about the meeting in front of his girlfriend led me to believe that he his intentions were not as innocent as he would have had me believe.

The second of the five friends was odd and seemed to me to be a "player", aside from that he lives on the opposite coast and I can not see myself making a commitment to some one that far away from me - anything more then a thousand miles distance is too much. Plus when being nice to this person he always assumed I was hitting on him  how narcissistic.

The third of these men is engaged and got "cock blocked" (his phrase not mine) by his best man unintentionally. (Intentionally? hmmm not sure but humorous none the less)

The "best man," well he was off to a great start with me but forgot to divulge some pertinent information also. Turns out he has some one in his life that he has been seeing as well. While the fact that he is seeing some one might not have wavered my feelings for him, his lack of honesty in the situation did irreparable damage to the trust I had in him. Right along with the others I soon placed him in the "friend only" box on my proverbial check list of men in my life.

The last and the truly greatest of all these guys didn't hit on me at all. In fact he tried to help hook me up with the best man because he knew I liked him. He put his own wants, needs and feelings aside for his friend and remained honorable and loyal. Rather then seeking his own selfish interests he looked out for the person (people) he cares for.

I think the most ironic part of all this is that the rest of them are sadly confused about how I decided that he was the one I wanted to focus on getting to know. They all can not seem to accept that I am interested in developing a deeper relationship with him. While he isn't as G.Q. as his fellow mates or even as worldly, he is miles beyond their abilities to attract a woman such as myself. Not that I am anything amazing or special but I do not respond to much of the mainstream behavior that is seen in people today in regards to courtship. The way I have been handled by these men, treated just like they have treated other women leaves me discontented with them and not attracted toward any advances from them other then mere friendship.

Any intelligent woman self aware, able and capable of taking care of her business and affairs does not respond to most typical male behavior. I have all the boys I need trying to get in my pants as most women do in life. However I have very few men who genuinely are willing to just be my friend and respect me as a person.

It reminds me of the old television show Friends, specifically when the character Rachel was presented with the decision to chose between being with Joey or Ross. Joey's character was sexy, suave but always had been the type of man who took women for granted. Ross while being quiet, shy and uncomfortable around women, was always there to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. In the end he got the girl that was every one's sweet heart. It is merely that simple.

So I challenge you - all of you who may read this. I dare you to be different. I dare you to excel beyond your other male counter parts.

If you respect a woman, she will return that respect ten fold if she is good and worthy.

If you befriend her and you are candid with her with out fear of reprisal and she truly is a mature adult, you will have her loyalty and dedication above and beyond normal parameters.

If you stop talking and thinking about your own needs and focus on her, she most likely will fall head over heels for you no matter what your lot in life is.

The Jest

Thoughts are solid, my grounding is strong
You wish for apologies that just don't belong
You sought to use me, to hurt me, to play your sweet games
Did you think your affiliation to me would bring you some fame?
The callousness you've shown me under the guise of romance
Do you think that would make any one give you a chance?
I'd prefer to be kicked, beaten down like pet
Rather then the object of a joke or a bet
Should I lie there and take it, no voice of my own
With each small infraction my distemper has grown
Now you are shocked and upset, in despair you just sit
After in your own way having treated me like some twit
I am sorry I was not honest, my intelligence held close my vest

I am sorry that while you desired to fool me, you yourself were the jest