As many of you are aware I am extremely content to be single now and forever until death do freedom and I part. But I do enjoy relationships and the comradery of the "getting to know you" phase of them. I have also for almost two decades been compiling notes and collecting information on human behavior so far as intimacy goes between the sexes. Focusing on the juxtaposition of how men and women view love, honor, trust, and intimacy with in romantic and sexual relationships.
After my last failed attempt at commitment which ended in January, I decided to do the whole dating site thing again. Results: 1003 Responses to my personal ads since February 25th, 2012. That is 96 days which means that is almost 10.5 responses per day or 2.6 per ad (I had ads up on four different sites). I met my goal of over 1000 responses within 100 days.
Two of my ads were a bit flowery and romantic and two of them were bitchy and demanding as well as a bit condescending and provocative. The bitchy, demanding, provocative ones yielded better dates then the romantic ones so far as where we went and what we did. While both types attracted a fair amount of garbage to them the bitchy ones attracted more successful men and attractive to me physically. The romantic ones attracted men who were less aggressive and more intellectually stimulating to me. Oddly enough the one site which was not geared toward BBWs actually provided me with some of the best responses and information.
A few oddities occurred during this latest venture. One of my exes asked me to marry him and he was quite serious. We had dated on and off for several years but never seriously and he finally woke up I guess. All I know is it made me queasy. Not like pregnancy either, full on hurl omg I need to break this off sick. I got that feeling from some one else I met also and half of me thinks I should have listened to my gut instinct and never have met him but there is a part of my heart that identifies with him on a deep level. Just riding things out with that one to see where it goes at this point. There are several men I found mildly entertaining for a short time. Nothing new there. A few I have still not gotten to really know yet. Just treading water with a lot of them at the moment and waiting to see what develops.
I did finally meet two men I had not managed to get together with on my last go around which was about the same time last year. Nothing amounted to anything with either of them. But it was nice to meet them both.
I have found that many men are becoming more tepid and shy almost. Quite sad. To be very cliche', " Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?"
I have also found there to be a large gap in spending. I have had amazing dates where the meals were in the hundreds of dollar range with flowers and other items like chocolates and gifts to boot and then I have also had men ask me for coffee at Barnes and Nobles where they showed up in an untimely manner so I had to buy my own coffee.
Do men really wonder why women are now disinterested in commitment? Honestly if you want a woman to want you and only you, then give her something worth wanting for fuck sake. lol I am not talking about being bought, but a modicum of effort is nice if a man wants to court a woman. I often feel if a man doesn't have the urge to at least buy me dinner then we shouldn't meet. My time, attention and company are worth more then a random drink or coffee. I hate to ruin a little girl's dream but Virginia, there is no Santa Claus and Romance is now dead. You can view the pod cast of Romance's funeral on:Why Men Now Suck
I met a lot of men who tried to push things too far sexually too soon. That is nothing new in all the years I have been dating. That is also a big turn off for me as most of you are aware if you have read any of my other material on dating. It is a sure sign a man does not want a real relationship. That is a tough one to get over. I spend a lot of time getting to know some of these guys, then I ended up going out on a first date and they acted foolishly. It really ruins my ability and desire to want to get to know them further.
There is something to be said for honor and respect. When men have no self control when meeting me how am I to expect that they can show any restraint with other women? Chances are they probably won't and if given the chance and opportunity..... what is that old saying? "Men are as loyal as their options," or my own personal favorite from Robin Williams," God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at one time." Brings new meaning to the term "Head Rush" lmao. Sorry I could not resist.
I will be 37 soon enough and just like every passing year I lose more faith that I will ever get to wear a white gown. I think my desire for marriage is similar to that of wanting to go to prom as a teen or playing Bingo when I am retired. It is just something people my age are supposed to do and I feel left out because I am not doing it. Although the concept of a real life long best friend is so romantic. I am also romanced with the concept of freedom in my old age. Of my travels and all of the debauchery that will ensue during my misadventures. Of being the Uncle Traveling Matt of my little Fraggle Rock community here in NJ. I am torn between the desire to share my life with some one on a deep and meaningful level and maintaining my freedom to live life on my own terms without pause.
After having met so many people in my life through work, hobbies and my ventures it becomes more and more clear that most people while they have these small uniquenesses about themselves that make them amazing creatures. That they try to hide them and to blend in, like lemmings following a herd over a cliff.
So many people who could choose to color outside the lines, love to be able to put themselves into a type box: Nerd, Jock, Geek, Stoner, Straight Edge, Hippie, Hopeless Romantic etc. Sad part is I embrace many of these different group types. To find one person who can engage me on all levels and keep my attention, is almost impossible.
"A miracle is something that seems impossible but happens anyway." Griffin (MIB3)
I believe we create our own miracles not so much through grand gestures but through small and random acts of kindness.
