Hollow and Desolate

This month has been rough. I have been trying to ignore the fact that had I stayed with A.J. I would be getting married next weekend. Fact is I still miss him. Even though he had egregious faults he was my best friend for a long time. I think, no I know I am still grieving the loss of that relationship. I have been dating to keep my mind off of it all but I am not sure if it is helping or harming me.
I finally told the one man I really have interest in getting to know (Mr. X) from work how I felt. While his response has been warm he declined due to our business affiliation and also because he has been burned in the past. Joe and I have still remained friendly despite his bad behaviors and assumptions. I really do enjoy his company. Don and I are dancing the proverbial "I don't want a commitment but I really am attracted to you so I will avoid getting to close" dance. Tepid and trepidation would categorize the interactions between he and I. There are a few others floating around. No one I have a burning passion for.
I am so tempted to go back to old habits to escape my loneliness. I come home every night alone. I wake up alone. I spend a modicum of time with my daughter prior to going to work and repeat, rise, recycle all over again.
As Billy Joel wrote in the lyrics of The Angry Young Man;" I have found that just surviving is a noble fight." Oddly I don't feel very noble right now. It is times like these that I thank God for Guine. If it were not for her I am not sure I would have the desire to go on day to day like this.
I can honestly say that life with out some one you love to share it with you is hollow and desolate.