There is some one now in my life that I want to get to know. Some one I want to spend time with but to be honest I don't think he is interested. He is sweet and deep in his thoughts. He puts up this tough exterior but I know that it's only because he can be hurt easily. I am sure he knows I like him. I am not one who hides her feelings well.
As for the rest of them. Two are exes so we all know where those are going to lead to. One is a guy I had a huge crush on in high school and as much as I want to develop feelings for him, his life style scares the hell out of me so I won't let it get that deep. One other guy is new and I do like him but certain things he says are a big detraction. Like he doesn't want to have children. It's not like I am running to a fertility clinic on date number four to seek out some options but at the same time I would like to know that if I develop feelings for this guy it might be possible once we hit that "Let's Build a Future," phase of the relationship. The girl, lmao the girl can't be anything permanent or serious. As per her own definition. She has goals, plans to go to get her masters in Arizona of all places. I can not move plus I have a sneaking suspicion that she doesn't want anything serious due to the fact that she is in love with her best friend, whether or not she realizes it. I did realize it on our date this past Sunday because her best friend was the majority of what she talked about. But all of these people are cool and I want to hang out with all of them and enjoy the time I spend with them.
That still leaves my conundrum of how to deal with my feelings for Mr. X. He is in such a place in my life that I can not avoid or ignore him nor would I want to just because he does not feel that same way about me that I do for him. But in my heart and my head there are people that God places in my life that I just have this burning desire to get to know. Mr. X is one of them.
Every once in a while I come across some one who instinctively I know has a deeper meaning in my life then is obvious on the surface.
It happened when I met Dan Fluccavento when he was fifteen years old, who is now and has been my brother's best friend for most of his life. It occurred again when I met Stephen Zabaroski who lived with my family after his mother died for four years. So many people who have had such an impact on my life. But sadly due to professionalism and rules set in place I have to handle this person with kid gloves.
So I will write about Mr. X and bide my time. Nothing is ever permanent and patience has it's virtues.
Reaching out for something to hold, looking for a love where the climate is cold manic moves and drowsy dreams or living in the middle between the two extremes smoking guns hot to touch would cool down if we didn't use them so much we're soul alone and soul really matters to me too much you're out of touch I'm out of time but I'm outta my head when you're not around
~Hall & Oats
